why??

WHY

Why do I love you?
Is it because you make me happy?
Why do I love you?
Is it because you’re always there when I’m
lonely?

The things you say and do,
Why do they make me so into you?
The feelings that you make me feel,
Why am I convinced that they’re real?

Those cute little eyes,
Why do they never fail to make me smile?
Those sweet cherry lips,
Why do they make me fall head over feet?

Those sweet words you say,
Why do they take my breath away?
Those cute tantrums your always throwing,
Why do they always leave my heart throbbing?

The days when I don’t see you happy,
Why do they make me feel so lonely?
Those sweet kisses that you’re giving me,
Why do they make me want you so badly?

Why do I love you?
Is it because you love me too?
Its not because you love me too
I love you because you’re you

Random thoughts II

This is the second installment of my boredom... nyhahahahahaha... Why is it that a person only realize that he loves you when you already found the person who will love you the way you want to? What's fucked up about it is they only realize it when its already too late. Way too late! A friend of mine answered that query said "it is natural. Its im the mature of the person. They will only see your worth when you're already happy with someone else. Its because when you're single you're readily available anytime he wants to be with you. And knowing that you want him will make him go for the persons he likes first." that's what's fucked up about it. a heart is not a toy. a person's feelings is not something you can play around with or take for granted. i remembered a quote written by my favorite author(paulo coelho). he said' " one is loved because one is loved. no reason is needed for loving. you know what? i a gree with him. you love someone because that's what you feel. that's what your heart tells you. and if you really trust your heart it will never betray you. you dont have to have reasons to love a person. if you do have a reason to love that person, what will you do if you woke up one day and found that that reason is gone? can you still love the person? or do you still love that person? and oh.. can ex lovers really be friends? what if your ex betrayed you? isnt it too convenient for him to betray you again now that you're only just friends? can you imaging the pain he put you through back then? can you imagine feeling that again? maybe you can be friends but not that close. maybe more like acquaintances. oh another thing.. does it really work to keep yourself busy just to move on? i think that depends on a person. because one day you will stop and think why you are busy all the time. and all wil come flashing back. the hurt, the tears, the pain, the betrayal. everything will come flashing back when you realize that you're being busy just you want to forget that person who broke your heart. for me, closure is the best way to move on. find out why he idd it or why did it happen. and if you have the answer, accept it and move o. for me, there are five stages after a breakup. first is denial, after a break up you deny to yourself that your relationship has already ended. you make up fantasies just to fill that denying part of you. and when you finally accepted the fact that it has already ended you enter the secodn stage. the second stage is bitterness. bitterness is actually self explanatory. bitterness, like love, is very subjective. subjective in the sense that every individual expressess different forms of bitterness. some say bitterness is the fruit of denial. but for me, its something like a defense mechanism to cover up what is left hanging. like unanswered questions. questions that haunts you. questions that confuses you. quiestions that bother your heart. when you overcome bitterness you enter the third stage. the third stage is closure. when you say closure, this is the part where you actually confront you fears of talking to or asking your ex-lover why your relationship ended that way. a peice of advice! when you confront your ex, dont be all too cocky like you didnt do anything wrong. in a way there are some factors or some mistakes you did thats why he betrayed you. just be calm like you just want to talk to him as a friend. dont panic. closure is really needed to avoid unecessary hang-ups. hang-ups can ruin a good relationship. lastly, the foruth and fifth stage goes hand in hand. the fourth stage is acceptance. when you finally have the answers to your question, you should accept it and move on, the fifth stage. only then that you can love and give yourself to the person you love or loves you completely. but why is it so hard to love again when you've been hurt many times before? isnt it that when you love you risk yourself getting hurt? loving someone is having the courage to let them love you back. love is not love when you dont risk yourself. anyway you look at it, you can never say the person you love can never hurt you. even in a little way he can. so dont complain. nothings perfect in this world. and what is freedom anyway? is freedom the absence of commitment? and whats up with those self proclaime "player"? what do they get from breaking someone's heart? do they get some strange pleasure in doing so? id like to see them go through all the pain and hurt they caused. beware of KARMA. for me id rather tell me you dont love me or that you're not appy anymore than cheat on me. i can accept the fact that you dont love me anymore than pretending you do love me but behind my back you're cheating on me. let me tell you the rule of KARMA. what you do to others will come back to you ten folds. anyway im kinda tired, here are lines from a song dedicated to those "players" and persons who take other's feelings for granted.

someday someone's gonna love me
the way i wanted you to need me
someday someone's gonna take your place

one day ill forget about you
you'll see i wont even miss you
someday i know someone's gonna be there

random thoughts

hmm... just kinda bored but anyway here are random thoughts... why is it that when you're single nobody even notices it, what i mean is no one evr comes but when you're already committed there they are. they show up one by one.. it kinda sucks when you're committed then someone comes along and he's the right one for you.. its just that i don't get it... and whats up with those person telling you that they are serious about you but doesn't do anything about it.. not even a simple message on your cellphone... words are flattering but id rather see you do it than tell me... oh and another thing a kiss is a beautiful invention created to stop the mouth when words become superfluous... oh last night i met this wonderful person and damn he's cute.. hehehehe he has the exact experience i had with an ex... and my god his ex and my ex has the same pathetic reason why they are what they are... its such a pathetic thing to play with somebody's heart... ive planned to get even with my ex but then i realized getting even with him makes him hurt me even more... and like why should i waste my time over a person who's not even worth a single tear... ive been hurt and burned before but i dont know why my heart or why i still believe in love... i dont know why im still waiting for that one person who can take all the peices of my heart and mend it again.. fix my broken wings so i can fly high once more... sometimes i wish i could be numb but i cant do it... my heart wont let me do it... they say love is a wonderful thing.... but for me its ironic.. love makes you feel good then hurts you bad.. love builds you then it destroys you... why is it hard to love someone when he doesnt even know you love him and that he already belongs to someone else... i hope one day someone will come along and free my heart from its curse... someone true and never ever let me shed a single tear... a heart that loves is a heart that hurts thats what they told me.. may be they're right or maybe not... oh just remembered someone told me that a broken heart is easy to steal.. is it true?? anyway i think im not making sense anymore.. so if there's someone who could make feel the love that im looking for please free me from this curse that binds me... peace out!!

Gone

On a crowded street I walk pass
With my heart in my hand walking fast
I sat on a swing, waiting
Waiting for someone to hear my heart calling

Times pass my heartbeat grew fast
People came and went
Not hearing what my heart is saying
Didn’t even bother to stop and listen

Then someone came and sat beside me
He asked me how am I doing
“Can you hear my heart beating?” I asked him
“no, I can only hear the swings creaking.”

He left without even smiling
I was left along sitting and waiting
Time had passed Im still there
The rain poured down and so did my tears

New faces come and go
Still they didn’t hear my heart beating so
I was left watching, waiting, dreaming
For someone to hear me out calling

Then someone came and stood before me
He looked at me and gave me a smile
“is that your heart I can hear beating?” he asked
“yes” I replied as I removed my mask

He asked me if he could have my heart
I said yes but please don’t tear it apart
When he was about to reach out his hand
Someone stole my heart and tore it apart

He left me alone with my shattered heart
He never even bothered to look back
My heart was lying there on the ground
Hurting and still beating

Now all the hope for me has vanished
The world threw my dreams into oblivion
If I ask you “can you see me now?”
You wont, because im gone..

this poem is inspired by you (you know who you are)... you know how it felt?? maybe not... but this is what i say to you.. one day all the feelings i have for you will disappear but this memento i have for you will be with you forever..

Invisible

You know I’ve always been there for you
Not because you told me to
But why do you have to treat me this way
Cant you notice me even for a day?

Through all the pain he put you through
I am the one who comforts you
Through all the lies you heard from him
I am the one you confided with

When you were down
I picked you up
When you were sad
I made you laugh

I don’t ask anything from you
I just don’t want anything to happen to you
I know you love him with all your heart
And I wish that you will never part

But through all the hurt that you’ve been through
I wish I was the one who’s loving you
I never want to see you crying
And I never want to hear your heart breaking

I saw the way he had treated you
And I saw the things he put you through
How I wish that I was him
Coz I’ll never make your world so dim

Now that he has turned you down
And turned your smile upside down
I am still here waiting for you
Waiting for the day you’d notice me too

But all the care that I showed you
Seems to me they have no value
You were busy looking for the perfect one
That you don’t see what you have done

You’re slowly tearing me apart
You’re shattering my lonely heart
What have I done to deserve this?
Am I the one next on death’s list?
I cant take the pain you’re causing me
Coz I know you don’t even see
See the things you’re doing to me
They’re eating up my sanity

I’ve always stood right beside you
And never let anyone to hurt you
But I didn’t know that it would be wrong
To say I am loving you for so long

What I am telling you is true
I am willing to give my heart to you
I know that I am capable
But to you I’m just INVISIBLE!!!!

Glimpse

One morning I woke up
And saw an image in front of me
I wiped my eyes to see clearly
To see the image that’s so dreary

He looks so tired and battered
Like a soldier in a battle
I can see his heart was wounded
And tears are falling to his cheek

I tried to talk to him
But he doesn’t seem to hear
My mind then began to wander
Thinking bout the things he has been through

He looks hurt and betrayed
And no one seems to care
From that point I felt pity
To the image standing in front of me

He was so weak and helpless
That made my heart restless
What could have happened to him?
I wondered if this was a dream

I pinched myself to see
Maybe all i'm seeing is part of a dream
But my arm hurt
My eyes were flinching

The image began to cry
I couldn’t help him if I try
He walked up to me and started to talk
I paid attention like a hawk

His heart was torn
And his dreams were shattered
His voice felt like he was unwanted
And that he didn’t even matter

My eyes then began to tear
His past is now reavealing
In his life he didn’t seem to matter
To the people he looked after

Those people he cared and loved
All left, played and betrayed him
All he wanted was someone to care
To be appreciated for what he might have

But everyone turned their backs
And began to have their laughs
My heart then began to shatter
Of how cruel life has done him

No one believed in him
No one even gave a damn about his dreams
If I only have the will and power
To comfort and heal his broken soul

But then I thought he looked familiar
Like someone I've known long
I looked at the image clearly
To my surprise i couldn't speak

My knees began to tremble
Even a word I couldn’t mumble
Tears fell down from my eyes
Coz i really know who he was

I couldn’t believe what im seeing
I couldn’t believe im not dreaming
What happened to the image was true
He’s very weak, torn and blue

Now he really seem to matter
Because it was my reflection on the mirror!!!!

numb

once again one angel's wings has been clipped now
all the tables has been flippedthe sorrow he feels cant compare to any pain one can cause him
love's curse took wrath upon him,
threw his soul in an abyss of endless solitude
never again will he lay eyes upon a mortal soul,
never again will he love another for it only brings him pain and suffering
for this angel's eternity has been put on the line once again,
his poor heart has once again been played upon by mere mortal madness
trust in no one for it only puts your heart on the line,
and in the end all will fail you and put you through pain and misery
the day love came was the day it all fell apart
this angel has sacrificed his immortality for the one thing that destroys all
he put his life on the line for the one he loved
despite all of that he was left weak and staggering
gasping for air
reaching for that person whom he call his loved one
but through all of his sacrifices nothing stopped him from dying
the hurt still lingersthe air is filled with pain
thinning, choking, glooming
like any other mortal this angel died with a burden in his soul
a prisoner of love till the end
now his spirit roam the earth searching for an answer
searching for someone to set him free of the curse thrust upon him
when will that day come?
when will his spirt be set free?
till that day he will be waiting
and till that day he will be numb

Panaghoy

Haplos ng yong kamay sa aking pisngi
Init ng yong halik dulot ay ngiti
Mga yakap mo’ng sing init ng araw
Aking pangarap sa buong magdamag

Sadya bang ganito?
Ang pangarap ng nagungulila
Ako’y litong-lito, at nagdaramdam
Bakit ngayo’y nagiisa at umiiyak

Saan na ang pangako mong pag-ibig
Mga mata’y namumugto habang ang buwan ay sumisilip
Bakit ngayo’y puro dusa at nananangis
Nalimot mo na ba ang nakaraang kay tamis

Ako’y isinumpa ng iyong alaala
Bakit ngayoy ako’y ganito?
Ano bang aking nagawa?
Nasaan ka aking sinta?

Mundo ko’y gumuho
Nang ako’y iwan mo
Mga panahong nagdaan
Hndi malimot at pilit binabalikan

Ako’y alipin pa rin ng yong pagibig
Pagmamahal mo’y hinahanap maging sa panaginip
Pangako mo’y sumpaan nati’y hanggang wakas
Ngunit nasaan na ang pag-ibig mo aking mahal?

Hinahanap hanap ko mga halik at yakap mo
At ang yong mga matang nagniningning
Sa tuwing ika’y ngumungiti
Mga bituin sa langit wari’y nasasabik

Mundo ko’y iyong binuhay
Sa pagibig mong tunay
Nasaan ka na sinta?
Ako ba’y nilimot na?

Mga mata’y hindi mapigil sa pagluha
Simula nang ikaw ay mawala
Pagibig ko ba’y hindi sapat
Bumalik ka na aking sinta

gratitude

How could you do this to me?
You held me right in your arms
You touched my heart with your tenderness
Made my stone cold heart melt

Your lips so soft to kiss
Your arms that hold me through the night
Those almost perfect words you say
Caressed my heart and swept me away

I wish I have known before
Long before you came to my lifeS
omeone like you was too good to be true
Turned my world around

I thought what we had was utopia
But you made them into a blazing inferno
A river of burning rage and hate
A scorching fire of distrust

I find it hard to trust anyone
Entrust my whole life and being
You made my life a living hell
Abandoned me with your mess

The song that use to sound so sweet
Turned sour in a traitor's lips
You left me alone and miserable
You dumped me in an abyss of endless hate

The wormhole of sadness sucked me right in
Leaving me with nothing but a weeping soul
A kindred spirit that used to be free
Is now tormented with unending loathe

You left me with the curse of Pandora
Even took away my hope
You buried me in a forlorn grave
With the souls of loathing ravens

My being that used to fly so high
Is now grounded and cannot fly
It’s not enough for you to see
All the things you've done to me

You still continue to afflict me
When all I wanted was to be free
My eyes that used to be filled with glee
Is now weeping with tears of despair

Wished I haven’t met you at all
Maybe I wouldn’t feel this way
I lost faith in everything
I even lost faith in me

Why did you have to say you love me?
When all that comes from you are lies
Lies that broke my solitude
And left me in anguish

Your presence still haunts me to this day
Can’t take away the torment in my life
You took away this angel's wings
And robbed me of my pride and dignity

Now at night I look at the sky
Praying that someone would give me back my wings
My heart still is shattered
From the pain you inflicted

My life is now wasted
Hating you is all I can do
Wished there something to make me feel better
Coz I can’t stand being bitter

Time will come that I can move on
Thinking you don’t exist
Someone will come to save me in this endless solitude
And give his undying love and devotion

But for now I want to thank you
For all the things you’ve put me through
I learned to protect myself from people like you
All I can say now is thank you!!!

bitterness

How could you do this to me?
When all I wanted was to be happy
You told me that you loved me
But look what you did to me

I gave you my trust
But still you betrayed me
You said I was the only one
But that’s not what your friend told me

When I met you my world was dull
Then you came and turned all things around
How could you make me fall and leave me hanging?
You built my world and then destroyed it

How could you make me believe that your love was true?
When all the lies you told me made me blue
Still I was blinded by your love that was too good to be true
I didn’t see what was in front of me till it hit me

I thought what we had was perfect
But the truth is, it was farfetched
How could I be so stupid not to see?
The entire thing coming towards me

Your love strucked me like lightning
And like lightning it burned me
I changed myself just to prove to you I'm worthy
But it still wasn’t enough for you to stay with me

You left me alone with my shattered heart
You threw my dreams like a worthless piece of art
Now I’m all alone in the dark praying
Hoping someone would treat my broken wings

Then you came up to me to say I’m sorry
And that ill be friends with you don’t worry
That pulled the last string of my sanity
And told you to stay away from me you phony

I don’t want to be friends with a person who betrayed me
Agreeing with you would be like death penalty
What you did to me made me bitter
But at least now I know I’m stronger
Now when you see me, I’m not the person you used to know
Coz I know better now you hoe
You can’t play the same tricks on me
Coz now I’m not gullible as I was before

I hope this doesn’t happen to you
Coz I now it would be cruel
Karma will have its way
And it will play you like you played me

They say revenge is the sweetest thing
But hey, for me it’s another thing
It would be so much fun to see you hurting
Coz to me, you are worth nothing!

I won’t even try to bother
To see you cry and suffer
I know this will sound bitter
But hey! You are a loser.

what love has done

I wish I was dead. I wish I was invisible. I wish I was stone. I can’t stand it anymore. Why do I always get hurt? Why is it every time I decided to change someone comes along and screws it all up. I never thought that the last person that would hurt me is the one who loves me the most. I don’t understand it. Why did he do this to me? What have I done wrong? I gave him all of me but still he betrayed me. And the friends I trusted have forsaken me too. Why did it have to be this way? Do I make them happy when they see me cry or get hurt? The person that I loved the most played me. It really hurts. Why did he do this to me? He destroyed my world. He destroyed me. Why don’t they just kill me and get on with it? Why do they have to torture me? They tormented me to my last string of sanity. It burned me like lightning. My world crumbled to the ground. My heart was shattered into pieces. I completely lost faith in love. Why do I always lose the person I love? I can’t feel anything anymore. They toyed with my emotions. My life is now a big joke. I am a big joke. My soul is being tormented. It hurts so much I can not think anymore. I don’t know what to do. My heart is stoned. I am devoid of all emotions. I need someone to fix my broken wings. I am grounded. I can’t fly anymore. My heart can’t take it anymore. I’m confused. I don’t know if I could ever love again. Love is really ironic. It builds you then it destroys you. It makes you feel good then it tears you apart. They destroyed me. They all ganged up on me. I can’t take it anymore. Maybe its better if I go back to what I was once before. But I'm afraid if I do that ill lose bunso. I don’t want to lose the only person who cares a great deal about me. I don’t want to lose my little prince. He’s the only thing that gives light to me. Love has cursed me. Why am I the only one getting burned? Why? I can’t think of anything but what love has done to me. I feel like I was dropped from a plane way up high. It’s killing me. I don’t know what to feel right now. I can’t go on anymore. Everybody has forsaken me. No one is standing right beside me. They’re all watching me go down. He put through a great deal of pain. I loved him with all my heart but still he hurt me. Is this the price I have to pay for loving too much? If it is, then why did love come to me in the first place? I didn’t ask for it. And now look what it did to me? I’m going through hell. I’m hurting inside. I don’t think ill be able to love again the way I did. I need someone to show me how to love again.